I’ve missed you!
Dear Friends,
I’ve missed you!
Have you missed moi? I have to admit I’ve been underground as of late. I’m working on a new novel that is lots of fun and providing me with many laugh-out-loud moments. I just love when that happens. If I can crack myself up, then hopefully I can crack my readers up.
Schuyler’s Sweet 16 Party
Big news! Schuyler is having her sweet 16 party in May. She wanted it so badly, almost as much as I wanted her not to have one. I offered her the cash instead, which she refused, something about her not having had a bat mitzvah and needing this moment to mark her passage into blah, blah blah. I tried to explain that it was HER choice to drop out of Hebrew School, not mine, but that got me no where. Suffice it to say, we’re having the party.
Just a Simple Do
Anyway, I was adamant that this not be anything like the Super Sweet 16 Parties of MTV fame. She would not get a car. We would not take our private jet (even if we had one) to Beverly Hills to shop for her dress. She would not make costume changes during the event. She would not be dropped into the fete by helicopter. No diamond tiaras from Harry Winston. No appearances by Run DMC or whoever the kids listen to these days. No siree Bob, I was having none of that spoiled-rotten-obnoxious-teenagers-who-don’t-understand-the-value-of-dollar bullshit. This was going to be a simple, old-fashioned sweet 16 like the ones they used to have in the days of yore.
Hormone Hell
Our first order of business was to negotiate the number of kids in attendance. Mark and I suggested thirty, including the two of us, Schuyler’s brother, Sam, and his best friend. Schuyler wanted three hundred. So we compromised on 130. Can you imagine? One hundred and thirty sexteen, I mean, sixteen-year-olds in one room? Can somebody spell s-e-c-u-r-i-t-y?
Next we had to find a place to hold the party. Our apartment was out of the question, mainly because I did not want to destroy the place. I thought perhaps we could rent a loft for, oh say, five hundred bucks. HA! Not gonna happen! Loft rentals start at $3,000 and that’s for a five floor walk up in Chinatown. So, we decided on a restaurant around the corner from our house that has an underground room lined in bedrock AND located under the street. No matter how noisy they get, neighbors won’t complain. Nor can the kids ruin the place (unless they’re packing jackhammers, but security has been instructed not to allow those in).
Gifts Please
Meanwhile, we needed to send out invitations. Do you know how expensive it is to print up invitations at a real stationery store? It’s frickin’ outrageous. So we went to Staples and bought do-it-yourself invites. Here is where the big fight ensued. I suggested that we say, “no gifts please.” Schuyler, on the other hand, wanted to say, “Gifts, by all means, YES please! In fact, I am registered at the following stores: Bloomingdale’s, Virgin Records, Urban Outfitters” (you get the idea). Mark was appalled by the very idea, and I’m embarrassed to admit I might have let it slide. Luckily Mark’s wonderful assistant, Joey, printed the invites and somehow, the controversial line was dropped. Oopsi-daisy.
Did I mention the extras?
The party itself is just the beginning, of course. We had to shop for the perfect dress, shoes, tiara and purse, and do you know that fancy clothes for 16-year-olds cost as much as fancy clothes for adults? It’s true. And then there is the DJ, the MC, the security, the food, the cake, the candles for the special candle lighting ceremony, the AV to create a multi-media slide show of Schuyler’s life, the mocktails, the party bags (where, instead of giving each child an ipod like one of her friends did at her sweet-16, we’re giving each child a $.99 gift card for itunes). Can someone spell h-u-m-i-l-i-a-t-i-o-n?
Only The Best Strobe Light For Our Princess
One of Schuyler’s friends came by recently and under this kid’s spell, Schuyler proceeded to hit me up for a light show (but using a special, extremely hard to get strobe light machine in deference to her epileptic friends). This would only cost another, oh, say three, five thousand. They also begged for the addition of the dark chocolate fountain, the living statue of liberty, the naked cowboy, Chihuly glass centerpieces, and a transvestite Cher impersonator. Since when do sixteen-year-olds know about Cher? Or transvestites for that matter? I haven’t even told my kids the facts of life yet, for God’s sake. You don’t think they know do you? Anyway, I told Schuyler absolutely NOT on any of it as this was a simple sweet sixteen circa days of yore, not a modern day vomitzvah. Schuyler’s friend asked me, “Don’t you love your daughter?” She couldn’t believe Schuyler had been saddled with such a cheap mother. The Horror!
So the negotiations continue. I’ll let you know how the party turns out in a few weeks. If anyone has experience working security, please let me know as we’re looking for a few good (really big scary looking) men.
Summer Reading Recommendations
Many of you have emailed me asking for reading suggestions now that you’ve devoured Wife in the Fast Lane (don’t worry, I’m working on another one). I wanted to recommend a few of my favorites that are just out or about to come out:
Deadly Appraisal, by Jane Cleland
This is the second in a mystery series written by my good friend, Jane Cleland. It’s really a wonderful, fast read. Here’s the synopsis: Antiques dealer Josie Prescott thought she left trouble behind in New York City, where she weathered a price-fixing scandal in 2006’s Consigned to Death, but her efforts to start afresh in New Hampshire stall when she gets mixed up in murder in Cleland’s adept second cozy. After the Portsmouth Women’s Guild representative, Maisy Gaylor, drops dead from potassium cyanide poisoning at a benefit gala that Josie has sponsored, Detective Rowcliff insinuates that Josie might have been the possible target. Cleland keeps the reader guessing about the true target of the poison and the possible suspects. Did Britt Epps, the chairman of the fete, have it in for Maisy, or does the theft of a $20,000 Chinese porcelain tureen mean Josie should still be worried about her nemesis from her former New York auction house? With the help of her lawyer and the intermittent cooperation of a nosy reporter, Josie finds some surprising answers.
Late Night Talking, by Leslie Schnur
Late Night Talking is a book I blurbed because I loved it so much. This is really a fun book, plus it takes place right in my neighborhood. It’s a great romantic, thoughtful beach read. Here’s what it’s about: Jeannie Sterling is a late-night radio talk-show host passionate about getting people to do the right thing. From bad drivers to poor gym etiquette to disruptive cell-phone use, Jeannie is out to change the world, one bad behavior at a time. She is judgmental and opinionated, and few people can live up to her high standards. Her boyfriend, Tommy, seems perfect, but his inability to see that stealing library books is wrong and his general disrespect for others keep Jeannie from really falling in love. After she calls Nicholas Moss, a wealthy man using a cell phone while driving a gas-guzzling Hummer, a turkey while she is on the air, he ups and buys the radio station, setting Jeannie up for problems not only at work but personally, too. New professional opportunities arise, but Jeannie jeopardizes her job and her budding relationship with Moss when she pushes the envelope too far. Schnur has written a cute, lighthearted novel about expectations, love, and the cost of doing the right thing.
My Space Milestone
If you’ve read this far, you get the prize! Not that there is one. By the way, if you have a myspace, and you’re not my friend, please invite me to be your friend. I’m at http://www.myspace.com/authorkarenquinn
I just hit 1,000 friends and I feel so popular! Why couldn’t they have had myspace when I was in high school? It would have saved me so much angst.