Author Loses Mother-in-Law on NYC Subway
April 18, 2008
Hi everyone,
Let me get the super important stuff out of the way:
Please get your calendars now and ink in the date. If you’re going to be in New York or Denver in June, come see me read from Holly Would Dream. American Idol won’t be on that night. I made sure of it.
New York - June 5
Barnes and Noble - 6th Avenue at 8th Street - 7:30 p.m.
Denver - June 17
Tattered Cover - Colfax Avenue - 7:00 p.m.
If you’d like, you can pre-order the book right now from Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. Feel free to order several. They’re really cheap and make the great gifts. Don’t worry, we’ll wait for you.
Now that my soft-sell is over, welcome to my nightmare. I am writing to you from the Delta skipper plane terminal in Orlando. We are in the midst of a deluge of biblical proportion. An enormous black cloud has settled over the airport, sending down crackling lightening bolts and loud thunder booms. My flight has been delayed indefinitely. Apparently the plane I’m to take is circling because it’s too dangerous to land. It’s one of those baby jets that I always swear I will never fly in bad weather. And yet, here I am waiting.
Sitting next to me is the pilot who is supposed to fly my plane. Captain Tickle is his name (according to his badge). Captain Tickle is fast asleep and snoring lightly. Am I worried? You bet I am.
Mark and I just spent a week in Orlando. It was a work boondoggle where I got to come along as “the wife.” You’ll never guess what I discovered on my visit. There’s a brand new activity in Orlando, one that is giving the theme parks a real run for their money. What is it, you ask? Foreclosure bus tours! That’s right. In a wacky pink bus (because pink spells fun), they drive you past homes that last sold for a half a million bucks that can be yours for…well, no offer is too small! A bank officer sits at the front of the bus providing commentary about each home. You can even put them on your American Express cards, which have no spending limit. If you ever wanted to live near Disneyworld, now’s your chance.
Okay, now Captain Tickle is drooling (just a little spittle, but still). What do I do? I do not know the etiquette here.
But I digress. We discovered a wonderful bar in Orlando called Vines. It’s in a strip mall near a restaurant called Jeffrey’s (in case you want to go there). When we first walked in, it looked as if Sunset Manor had dropped off its house band. The average age of the musicians was eighty. The bass player wore those thick glasses you have to wear when you have cataracts, the singer/tambourine player was riding an electric wheelchair, and another player fell asleep during a drum solo (not his). Bernie Lee, the vocalist, is pictured above. Despite their advanced years, these guys were fabulous musicians, even the catatonic drummer. The wheelchair guy was brilliantly channeling Louis Armstrong. I’m totally going to write them into in my next book. Apparently, this is the house band so if you come to Orlando, check it out along with one of those foreclosure bus tours. But I suggest you see the band sooner rather than later.
My airplane has just pulled into the gate. Yikes! You should see the black clouds. I’m not sure this is safe. I would discuss my concerns with Captain Tickle, only he’s making those sleep apnea snorts right now. He just woke up. He seems upset, confused. I have to confess that I am not confident about putting my life in the hands of Captain Tickle. If you are reading this newsletter, you will know I survived. Thanks be to God! (as Sonja, my old Russian manicurist/bikini groomer, used to say before she burned down the health club where she worked by leaving the wax on overnight).
Oh guess what? I attended my first writing class ever last weekend. It was Robert McKee’s Story conference. You might know him from the movie Adaptation. Ronnie Cox portrayed him in that film. The guy is a crusty old professor type with gray caterpillar eyebrows that cast long shadows on face. The class was quite intense - three twelve-hour days of story structure. Hopefully my stories will feel more structured to you in the future. At least he amused us with little ditties like, “I’m using a lot of profanity because I like to. If you don’t like it, there’s the fucking door.”
Epilogue: I did make it out of Orlando. Flying in that skipper plane was like being tossed around in a tiny raft in the North Sea. I was very relieved to land when, about an hour later, that same deluge from Orlando let loose from the Miami sky. Now I’m back in New York.
This week, my mother and mother-in-law came in to see Schuyler play Kim in Bye Bye Birdie. She was fantabulous in the role! We took the subway to the performance. At 14th Street, I told the grandmothers that we were changing to the express line. So, when the train stopped, we rushed out, but when I looked around, only my mother was on the platform. My mother-in-law was still in the local car and the door was closing. Her eyes were like saucers and she pounded on the glass in desperation (I’m exaggerating a bit but only because I know she’s reading this). Mom and I mouthed the station where we wanted her to get off right before the subway whisked her away. I felt awful! What do you tell your husband after you lose his mother in the NYC subway system? He would have been really mad, let me tell you! Thanks be to God, she got off at the right stop and we were happily reunited. But it was a close call.
Okay friends, don’t forget, if you haven’t already, get out your calendars now and INK in the date. If you’re going to be in New York or Denver in June, please come see me read from Holly Would Dream. It’ll be so much fun!
New York - June 5
Barnes and Noble - 6th Avenue at 8th Street - 7:30 p.m.
Denver - June 17
Tattered Cover - Colfax Avenue - 7:00 p.m.
I promise not to curse like Robert McKee, nor will I not drool like Captain Tickle. I will, however, make you laugh. I really, really, really hope you’ll come (I only use three reallys when I really, really, really mean it).
Love,
Karen (plus my cats, Smokey and Cookie. I thought you’d enjoy seeing them)