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Lie, Cheat, Beg or Sue

Academy X
By Andrew Trees
Bloomsbury USA; hardcover

Glamorous Disasters
By Eliot Schrefer
Simon & Schuster; hardcover

Jane Austen in Scarsdale;
or Love, Death and the SAT’s
By Paula Marantz Cohen
St. Martin’s Press; hardcover

THE most unpopular teacher in New York City this summer is probably Andrew Trees, a 37-year-old who teaches history at Horace Mann School. Mr. Trees is the author of “Academy X,” a satiric novel about a private school so deeply in the throes of college-admissions hysteria that roughly a third of the students are pretending to have learning disabilities so they can get more time on the SAT’s.

As a publicity stunt, the author adopted the pseudonym so beloved by 19th-century pornographers, “Anonymous,” and he outed himself only shortly before publication, in June, whereupon many with close ties to private schools accused him of being a turncoat. “I think this is the biggest self-righteous, arrogant traitor walking the face of the earth,” Victoria Goldman, a board member of the nearby Riverdale Country School, told The New York Sun. Riverdale is one of several schools now looking into nondisclosure clauses in employee contracts.

In truth, Academy X doesn’t particularly resemble Horace Mann or any other school. All we learn about it is that it has the city’s only indoor croquet court, and that if you have to ask what kind of place it is, then your child would never get in to begin with. And the novel is less a pedagogical exposé, in the tradition of, say, Dickens’s “Hard Times,” than it is the latest example of admissions lit — a new genre about the great rat race of getting your children into the right schools.

Another recent example is “Glamorous Disasters,” about an SAT tutor in New York City who is paid $395 an hour to raise the scores of the spoiled and overprivileged. In this case the author, a Harvard graduate who used to work for a tutoring outfit called Advantage Testing, goes by his own name, Eliot Schrefer, and if he hasn’t yet been vilified as much as Mr. Trees, it’s doubtless because his former clients would just as soon not call attention to themselves.

The parents in this novel, haughty, neglectful, ambitious, are even more vicious and corrupt than those in “Academy X.” One of them even offers the protagonist $80,000 to take the SAT in his son’s place.

In one way or another, in fact, parents behaving badly is the real subject of admissions lit. The children, no matter how lazy, druggy or just plain dumb, turn out to be the hapless victims of rich, predatory parents who treat the education of their offspring as a sort of social blood sport and will do anything — lie, cheat, grovel, sue — to get an advantage. Staggering amounts of money get tossed around as bribe bait, as well as Knicks tickets and promises of sex.

Nor is the struggle confined to getting into college. The most intense competition, to judge from some other novels, takes place over kindergarten slots. For example, in “The Ivy Chronicles” (Viking; 2005), one family toasts their underperforming 5-year-old in a tanning salon and changes her name to WaShaunté in hopes of gaining some diversity points. (The author, Karen Quinn, ran a pre-school admissions-advice service until she burned out from stress.)

Nancy Lieberman’s “Admissions” (Warner Books; 2004), in many ways the best of these novels, benefits from being about a K-8 school, which means that there are two admissions cycles taking place simultaneously, one to cull precocious, well-connected kindergartners and one to move the graduating eighth graders on to Dalton, Brearly or wherever. The key to both processes is the demented, dictatorial headmistress, Ms. Rothchild, and smart parents know that the best way to appease Ms. Rothchild is to subsidize her friend’s cooking school in Provence.

Another recurring motif in admissions lit is, oddly, Jane Austen. She turns up explicitly in Paula Marantz Cohen’s “Jane Austen in Scarsdale; or Love, Death and the SAT’s,” a novel that takes a fairly benign view of the admissions process and is thus the blandest and wimpiest of these books, though it does have a keen ear for what makes a truly bad personal essay: “When I was a baby at my mother’s knee, I did not have goals, aspirations or dreams. Like a puppy, I rolled and tumbled, knowing no reason or purpose for my actions. However, as I grew, I began to aspire more. I began to study and question. In time a dream began to take shape. That dream was to go to Bowdoin (Antioch, Bard, Middlebury, etc.).”

But Austen is also a touchstone in “Academy X,” where the students slog through “Emma” and keep confusing the characters with the actors who played them in the movie, and all the books are propelled by an Austenian subplot, in which the protagonist — the teacher, tutor, guidance counselor, adviser — is lonely and broke and looking for both a mate and a decent income, if not a fortune. You wouldn’t be in the admissions racket, the message seems to be, if you really had a life.

These lovelorn commoners are also stand-ins for the reader, and it’s through their sometimes envious eyes that we get to take part in that always fashionable literary enterprise, marveling at the excesses and abandon of the rich. In a couple of these books there is as much apartment porn (breathless descriptions of Fifth Avenue penthouses and “classic sevens” on Park) as there is porn of the other variety.

We also get to disapprove and to feel superior, of course, secure in the knowledge that even if we could afford to, we would never stoop to brainwashing our pre-schoolers for an assessment test or donating a sum equivalent to the budget of a third-world country just to get our daughters into what “Admissions” calls The Very Brainy Girls’ School.

Readers of these books who don’t happen to live in Manhattan or in Westchester County (which in Ms. Marantz Cohen’s version is only slightly less of an educational hothouse) can take additional pleasure in knowing that they don’t have to put themselves through this particular wringer.

For readers closer to home, fretting over the odds at Spence, say, compared with those at Chapin or Nightingale, the novels work a little like horror stories; by giving vent to our worst nightmares they both excite and reassure us.

At the end of these books, everyone gets in somewhere, even if the parents divorce each other in the process.

—Charles McGrath, New York Times
7/30/2006

Whither Devil Wears Prada? Writers Weigh In

What with The Devil Wears Prada opening last Friday, we put a call out to some of our writer friends to see if they were going to catch the adaptation of Lauren Weisberger's novel over the long weekend. "It's much like the book in that it's a light and fun piece," says Karen Quinn, author of The Ivy Chronicles. "I thought Meryl Streep did a better job of making Miranda a more nuanced and sympathetic character than she was in the book." Rachel Pine (right), who jokes that The Twins of Tribeca sold "about one million fewer copies" than Prada, agrees: "The movie successfully addressed an area that was missing from the novel. Quite simply, you don't get to be an Anna Wintour or a Miranda Priestley or a Harvey Weinstein without being really damn good at what you do. The novel never gave Anna/Miranda credit for being anything other than a nasty, demanding boss. The film portrays her as a woman who understands her industry the way any other business leader understands theirs."

Joshilyn Jackson (left), who's gearing up for the release of her second novel (Between, Georgia), wasn't entirely comfortable with the roman a clef aspects of Weisberger's novel ("the whole idea makes me uncomfortable; it's a get-out-of-slander free card"), but "I would watch a movie called Meryl Streep Makes Soup, so I went with a bunch of girls and we ate a despicable amount of popcorn. Meryl Streep was note perfect—alert the presses—and I am liking that Anne Hathaway more and more. I paid eight bucks hoping to be entertained for an hour and forty six minutes, and I got every penny's worth."

Andi Buchanan (right), who took a break from the tail end of her tour for It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters to watch the movie, wasn't as impressed. "It was bad, bad, bad," she reports. "I was thinking it was a bad book that might make a good movie...and I was thinking that even if the movie wasn't great, it might be the kind of thing that could be so bad it's good....but, sadly, all of those thoughts were wrong. As my friend Becca said, 'Given how bad the book was, I didn't think it possible to say the movie didn't live up to the book, but it didn't. Though the one thing the movie did match the book in was tedium.'"

Weisberger's college buddy Deborah Schoeneman (left) (4% Famous) dubs the film "a surefire summer hit." She elaborates, "While other bestselling books about Manhattan—Bright Lights, Big City, American Psycho, and Slaves of New York—fell relatively flat as movies, Devil works better on the big screen. The fashion world setting made the story cinematic, even though Patricia Field created some puzzling outfits. Why would Miranda and her assistants all wear all black to the big gala? Not when they have every designer vying to dress them. Newsboy caps? Not at Condé Nast."

"Despite the fact that both the book and the movie are about clothes and clothes are for the most part dumb, Patricia Field is a brilliant stylist," says Stephanie Lessing (right), who took a break from going over the final proofs for her new novel, Miss Understanding, to check out the film. "So brilliant I would, if forced, allow her to dress me, too. And therein lies the greater appeal of the movie as opposed to the book: The book doesn't come close to showcasing the impressive collection of clothes and accessories that appear on screen. Not to mention the most amazing make-up applications on the entire planet." Some of Stephanie's favorite highlights follow...

• "The green eye shadow preferred by the first assistant was a real show stopper. So much so that I hardly even remember who played the first assistant. I would have never thought to do such a thing in an office setting, but such is life at Vogue, I mean Runway. Killer, seriously."
• "The round Chanel handbag with the big number on it. That was a cool bag by any standards; coupled with Andy's head-to-toe Chanel ensemble, it was actually too distracting in its outfitty-ness. Her clothes were wearing her in that scene: Big no no. I'm surprised Patricia Fields didn't have the sense to rip Anne Hathaway's stockings or something to give Andy a bit of an edge. Still, the pocketbook was to die for. It could have been its own movie."
• "The green coat with the black button that Andy wears when she first starts dressing like a fashion assistant. I might want that one day. All I remember about that scene was something about a subway."
• "The black power suit that Andy wears when Nigel tells her he landed a new job; the detail on that jacket was impeccable, so impeccable that I doubt anyone cared or not if Nigel got the job. I liked the slightly puffed sleeve and the deep, scooped neck with the plunging portrait collar. And because Nigel liked it too, it was the one time I really felt as though Nigel and I had the potential to become friends. Otherwise I thought he was a total bitch. But that jacket—Oh. My. God."
• "That black dress Andy wore when they were hanging out in Paris. The one with the full skirt that wasn't too full because it had that top layer of raised embroidery that kept it in place. That dress floored me. I would so buy it. I mean if I cared."

As for the more traditionally significant aspects of a motion picture, like plot and characters, Stephanie shrugs, "The book wasn't funny either, but at least the book wasn't trying to be funny. Right?"

—Mediabistro.com
7/5/2006

Skinny Jeans

A few weeks ago my best friend, on her way back to Los Angeles from London, via New York, came into town with a mission: to buy skinny jeans. "Everyone in London is wearing them," she hissed over her plate of ravioli at Fred's, the ninth floor restaurant in Barneys. "I felt so stupid in my boot cuts."

So after lunch we took the elevator down one floor and made a beeline for the denim display. My friend plucked half a dozen pairs off the tables and shelves and charged into one of the dressing rooms. A couple of minutes later she emerged and took a long look in the full-length mirror near the entrance of the changing rooms.

"These are horrible," she whispered, pressing in the sides of her child-bearing hips (she gave birth seven months ago and is still working off the baby weight) and biting back tears.

They may be the hottest thing in designer denim, adopted by the cutting edge a year ago and now filtering down to the rest of the world, but the skinny jean is a complicated real-life proposition.

Unlike the flare and the boot cut, which balance a thicker thigh or wider hip with extra volume at the lower leg, the tapered ankle of the skinny jean only highlights those figure flaws. Even ultra-slim novelist Plum Sykes urges caution. The jeans, she says, "can only be worn by extraordinary British fashion icons with a rock-and-roll attitude. (They) look dreadful on all other women".

Still, premium denim designers insist the trend is selling big and is here to stay.

Last autumn, Ernest Sewn introduced its skinny tapered-leg jean, called Harlan, and is offering the silhouette in three additional washes. It's been so successful that for next autumn, Scott Morrison, Earnest Sewn's president and designer says, the company has two more styles featuring an ankle zip and an even slimmer-leg jean with a higher rise.

Meanwhile, Seven for All Mankind is expanding their selection of tapered jeans with new washes and ankle zips, and Paris-based Notify has developed a two-wayor "bi-stretch" for addedcomfort.

Buyers are bullish on the skinny, too. Jacques Keledjian, chief executive and owner of Intermix, a chain of fashion-forward boutiques in the US, says the 10-inch-rise skinny black jean from J Brand has been "flying off the racks".

And Barneys women's denim buyer Grace Kang says the store has sold over 10,000 pairs of skinny jeans since last autumn.

Of course, it makes sense that after years of pushing low-rise and boot-cut, denim manufacturers and retailers would advocate a completely new silhouette to keep people interested - and buying. As Marshal Cohen, chief retail analyst for NPD Group, a US-based market research firm, says: "Designers are offering skinny leg jeans this season for change. Without style change, the consumer has little to motivate them to purchase new." Cohen also estimates that the skinny jean, because it appeals mainly to "the young and young at heart, with a figure to wear them," will reach only 16 per cent of customers.

James Shaffer, the designer behind the LA-based Blue Tattoo fashion line, says skinny jeans account for only 20 per cent of his denim production."I can say from doing trade shows and discussing with stores, there's an apprehension because it's a hard fit on a lot of women. You basically have to be long and lean," says Shaffer.

As Notify's owner and designer Maurice Ohayon points out: "In the 1950s the slim fits were glamorous and sexy, emphasising the woman's body. In the 1980s, the skinny fits were linked to the punk attitude. Today, the slim silhouette creates a perfect androgynous look and is linked to a masculine attitude rather than a sexy one."

According to London-based Jennifer Kersis, the former managing director of fashion line Jasmine di Milo and head of NetJets's UK arm, she's spent the last nine months practicallyliving in her drainpipe jeans from H&M, but a few weeks ago decided the silhouette "wasn't a novelty" and invested in tapered leg pairs from Paige Premium Denim and Imitation of Christ.

Her favourite thing about them? They show off her Alaia ankle boots. "A boot cut hangs over and hides a beautiful shoe, which is a bit of a shame," observes Kersis.

In fact, choosing the right shoe seems to be the key to wearing the skinny jean well. Boy-shaped types can pull them off with flats, but everyone else is better off pairing them with heels or even more flattering, tucking them into tall boots.

"A curvy girl should wear them with slouchy boots and a long tunic," says Kang.

Or she could go for a pair of Radcliffe Denim's skinny stretch jeans in black. UK-based designer Suzy Radcliffe cuts her skinnys straight from the knee so they're narrow over the calf but not tight around the ankle, avoiding the hip-widening effect.

Plus, says Radcliffe, "with skinny jeans, darker colours are more flattering because they make the leg look much slimmer."

Variations on the trend aside, Karen Quinn, the author of bestseller The Ivy Chronicles and the soon-to-be-released Wife in the Fast Lane, has her own reason for embracing the skinny jean. "Getting them on and off is a workout in itself."

—Financial Times
6/17/2006

Avoiding 'Super Sweets'
In the MTV-era, the old proverb needs to read:
Spare the bling or spoil the child

After Karen Quinn's 14-year-old daughter, Schuyler, watched "My Super Sweet 16," MTV's reality show about overindulged adolescents and their hugely expensive birthday extravaganzas, she asked her mother if she could have such a party when she turned 16.

When Karen explained that even if she and her husband could afford such an affair, they would not indulge her, Schuyler begged them to at least cater a party for her at a hotel.

"You don't even have to give me a car," she told her mom.

Though, in Schuyler's case, the issue was resolved with an at-home dance party with pizza and deli platters; for many other kids, shows like this one reinforce a troubling sense of entitlement and contribute to their being, well, spoiled.

"As a working and often exhausted parent, I know that it is easier to say 'yes' to our kids than 'no,'" says Quinn, a Tribeca resident and the author of the novel "The Ivy Chronicles." "But we aren't doing our children any favors by just buying them everything they want."

Yet many of us buy our precious darlings way more than we ever had - and then feel annoyed with them when they want more. Are kids today more spoiled than we were?

"There is more to be had out there today, and it is more expensive than it used to be," says Dr. Kevin Kalikow, a child psychiatrist and clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Westchester Medical Center.

Things like iPods, Razr cell phones and Abercrombie jeans cost a lot more than most kids' allowances for a month, so moms and dads wind up footing the bill. And parents - guilty about not spending more time with their kids - are often all too happy to do so.

"We have dual income households and parents who are less available than they might have been 15 years ago," says Jennifer Hartstein, child and adolescent psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx. "Parents make up for the lack of face-to-face time with their kids by giving them things."

While it's best to start setting firm limits on behavior and possessions when your child is very young, it's never too late to "unspoil" your child. Here are some tips to keep your child from acting like one of the "sweet" kids on "My Super Sweet 16."

• Insist that your child earns what he gets. Even if he can't pay for the whole thing, make him pay a portion. "Kids have to demonstrate responsibility and show that they have the right to own something," Hartstein says. If your child doesn't make any money baby-sitting or dog walking, pay him for doing household chores.
• Set limits and boundaries for your child, says Joel Haber, a White Plains psychologist. "This is healthy for children because it teaches them the guidelines and expectations we have for them, and it helps them to become more empathetic with others and to see that they can't have everything they want."
• Don't be afraid to say no. Yes, your child will scream that she hates you, and she probably does, right at that moment. But instead of engaging in a screaming match, validate her feelings, Hartstein says. "Tell her, 'I see you are angry right now and I understand why you are angry. I'm sorry that I can't give you what you want right now, and I am going to give you some time to be mad. Above all, I want you to know that I still love you.'"
• Develop predictable rituals with your family, such as eating dinner together. "Show your love with consistency and predictability," Haber says, "and not by giving things. Things are really important for about five minutes and then they're not important anymore."
• Don't think that your child is going to be a self-centered little brat for the rest of his life. "Our parents said the same thing about us and yet most of us are responsible, self-sustaining adults," Kalikow says. "Many of the kids we see as spoiled will outgrow this as they mature and get older."

—Rosemary Black, The Daily News
6/3/2006

Is This the 'Biggest Self-Righteous Arrogant Traitor' Ever in School?

Students aren't the only ones working on research projects at some of the city's elite private schools.

A history teacher at Horace Mann School in Riverdale has used his intimate view of the city's movers and shakers to pen a novel about a leafy campus in New York City where 17-year olds drive Mercedes cars, take prescription drugs to boost their academic performance, and turn to seduction and plagiarism to guarantee a slot in the Ivy League.

"Academy X" is hitting bookstores this week and some parents are calling its author, Andrew Trees, a regular Benedict Arnold.

"I think this is the biggest self-righteous, arrogant traitor walking the face of the earth," a member of the board of trustees at the nearby Riverdale Country School, Victoria Goldman, said. "He's sending up the entire community that he works with, and that takes nerve."

The city's private schools - where influential parents battle for everything from better grades for their children to asking federal judges to intervene in disputes - are known to be tight-lipped when it comes to what happens within their halls. The head of school at Horace Mann and several other administrators did not return numerous calls seeking comment yesterday, and some teachers also refused to talk about the book.

On its copyright page, "Academy X" is listed as being in the "Rich People - Fiction" category. Tuition at the school is almost $30,000 a year. Celebrity parents at the school include the state attorney general, Elliot Spitzer, and an entertainment mogul, Sean "Diddy" Combs.

To build some buzz, the author was listed as anonymous on early copies of the book. Mr. Trees's name was added when Bloomsbury officially released it.

In a pre-emptive strike, Mr. Trees published a letter to the Horace Mann community in the student newspaper last week, alerting it to the imminent release of his novel.

"My goal in writing Academy X is simply to satirize the follies that occur at virtually every elite private - and many public - high schools these days, particularly the insanity that accompanies the college admission process," he wrote. The protagonist of the novel, John Spencer, is an English teacher who struggles to teach Jane Austen, but is often distracted by the students' "exposed thongs and butt-skimming skirts." A high-maintenance parent tries to bully him to boost a grade to A-minus from B-plus, while another sets him up in a rent-stabilized apartment on the Upper West Side.

In an interview yesterday, Mr. Trees, 37, said that in his five years as a history teacher at Horace Mann he noticed a lot of "entertaining things that would make a good story."

"The book is a novel. It's not meant to be Horace Mann, but it definitely draws on my experiences here," he said.

As a graduate of the Deerfield Academy, a boarding school in Massachusetts, Mr. Trees is no stranger to the world of the wealthy. He also received a degree from Princeton and a doctorate in history from the University of Virginia. The onslaught of tell-all books about the children who reside in the city's wealthiest zip codes and the people who educate them has some schools now talking about asking teachers to sign nondisclosure forms.

"The Nanny Diaries," which centers on nannies dealing with the city's wealthy 4-year-olds, kicked off the slew of books. The most recent additions include "Glamorous Disasters," a novel by a 27-year-old Harvard graduate, Eliot Schrefer, about an Upper East Side SAT tutor who rakes in $395 apiece to boost the scores of 16-year-olds. In "The Ivy Chronicles," author Karen Quinn takes readers inside the insane world of what parents will do to get their tots into kindergarten.

Mr. Trees called himself an "equal opportunity satirist" who makes fun of parents, teachers, and students. So far, he says that the head of school is laughing along with him. "His reaction has been supportive. I know that he's concerned about what people will say about it, but he told me that he thought the book was funny," Mr. Trees said.

If the book generates problems for Horace Mann, Mr. Trees said he might be out of a job. Other private school principals said they couldn't believe that he would be invited back.

"As far as I know, I'm still coming back to teach," Mr. Trees said. "To be honest about it, clearly not everybody at school is happy about the book. I'm hopeful that once the book comes out and people read it, it will be fine."

In the meantime he has at least a few supporters. "Some parents are fulfilling a fantasy life through their children," a parent at Horace Mann who asked not to be identified said about the book release. "Some parents are embarrassingly over-involved and become stereotypes of themselves. So many of them are drooping with money and want everybody to know it."

—Deborah Kolben, The New York Sun
5/19/2006

When Something’s Not Quite Right

Some meaningful questions include: “Is my kid comfortable in class?” “Can they stand still or wait in line?” “Do you see growth?” “Are there separation issues?”

Just because your child experiences a blip in development doesn’t necessarily mean he or she needs special education. “Take baby steps,” one early childhood teacher advised. “But, trust your instincts. If there’s consistent trouble, talk to your teacher.”

According to this teacher, starting at square one is a big thing and asking teachers good questions is the right way to begin. Some meaningful questions include: “Is my kid comfortable in class?” “Can they stand still or wait in line?” “Do you see growth?” “Are there separation issues?”

The extent of trouble depends — and there’s a wide spectrum. Among the problems: behavioral, neurological, academic, developmental, and more. With the help of experts, Junior Ivy League offers some guidance for parents who suspect that their child may be in need of services for special education.

The good news is that most children can be helped; the bad is the heartbreak that parents keenly feel, and that often remediation takes tons of time, work, and a toll on the family.

Karen Quinn, author of “The Ivy Chronicles,” a hysterical, yet charming take on the city’s private school admissions scene, found her son’s speech delays at three-and-a-half were the result of reoccurring ear infections and the subsequent fluid that built up. He couldn’t hear, so speech delays naturally ensued. Quinn found the solution by having tubes inserted into her son’s ears. But, by that time Sam had bombed his ERB, and was in need of special ed services.

Luckily, Quinn a savvy parent knew to take Sam’s evaluations to the city, “We received funding for a SEIT (Special Education Itinerant Teacher), who followed him around his preschool several days a week.” She also received money for speech therapy and occupational therapy.

“Beyond that,” recalled Quinn. “I worked with Sam every night for about half an hour…I made it my business to find out what we could do together that would help him grow developmentally.”

She said, “To him, it was playing, but I knew we were augmenting all the special support he was already getting through his preschool and city services.”

A year later, Sam took the ERB again and scored the highest in his preschool class. His delays were gone, even his teachers couldn’t tell.

But, results vary. Not every child is as lucky as Sam.

Some parents just can’t work with their children, because either the child is resistant or the parent isn’t up to the job. Nanci Brody, a special educator for 18 years and parent of a son who required additional services. He’s now a graduating high school senior. Brody spearheads advocacy groups, like SPIN (Students & Parents Information Network Support), and the first Annual Spring Resource Fair. The fair will be from 3:30 to 7 p.m. at the JCC of Manhattan (the email is: spinsinfo@aol.com).

There was no way Brody was going to tackle the task of working with her son, Matt, so she hired tutors for reasonable fees to do the job. “When children are tutored by their parents,” she said, “it can be an emotionally charged experience.” Brody points out that too often children will worry too much about disappointing mom and dad, and miss out on what’s being taught.

In their new book, “A Parent’s Guide to Special Education in New York City and the Metropolitan Area,”(Teachers College Press, June 2006), co-authors, Laurie DuBos and Jana Fromer offer help to parents, who are often too overwhelmed by emotion and bureaucracy to be effective advocates for their children in need. DuBos is a 30-year veteran in the field special education and an Assistant Professor in the Graduate School at The College of New Rochelle, and co-founder of the Gillen Brewer School. Fromer is the mother of an 11-year-old son, currently enrolled at the Mary McDowell Center for Learning.

Early signs are often the most telling, “My first clue was his speech delay and three-and a half,” recounted Fromer.

“Basically,” she said, “he appeared to be in his own world. He was a sunny, little blond bundle of happiness. But when you looked further, you expected to hear speech developing and it wasn’t. He maybe used 100 words.” It took her a little while before she could figure it all out. Now when she walks onto a playground. she can tell who may have issues just by who will allow their space to be invaded by another child and who won’t.

Fromer rolled up her sleeves, spending hours upon hours of testing —first for speech, then onto occupational therapy for motor skills, and physical adaptiveness. Then, filling out form after form, she talks about her challenges, barely finding enough time to mention her son’s myriad of good qualities.

“A big thing is filling out forms,” Fromer said. “Your social history and an in-depth family history, which you realize you’ll probably be doing for the rest of your life.”

Obviously, each child is different, but with a yeoman’s effort, a child with special needs can be mainstreamed and do exceptionally well, like Sam who is thriving at his top private school. With other children there may be less success, but they can still make it with their self esteem intact with ample effort and support.

DuBos offers two scenarios. The best: “The young child who receives early intervention programs and services who is able to remain in an inclusive setting. Or, for the slightly older child who receives intervention and services as soon as possible so they can learn to compensate for learning difficulties and gain self-confidence in their skills.” And the worst: “No intervention that often leads to failure in school, poor self-esteem, dropping out of school with limited skills for work and life.”

—Victoria Goldman, VictoriaGoldman.net

Baby Shall Enroll: Mommy Knows

When Tracy Geller Doyle gave birth to her son almost three years ago, she made two phone calls, one to her temple to ask that her son's name be put on the nursery school waiting list, and one to Free to Be Under Three, a language-building mommy-and-me class on the Upper East Side.

"I literally called from the hospital bed to put his name on the wait list," Mrs. Doyle recalled. "If you want to get into Free to Be, you have to do it right away."

As if dressing their babies in $90 designer jeans and ensconcing them in $700 strollers wasn't enough, upper-middle-class parents in Manhattan are now making sure their infants and toddlers are enrolled in the right play group.

Of a different breed than classes at the local Y.M.C.A., these programs can cost upward of $500 for a series of lessons, say, in music, swimming or art and are sending parents into competition mode well before the typical preschool scramble.

The increased jockeying for popular programs, some with monthslong waiting lists, is fueled by word of mouth, as one mother tells another how much her son loved learning his ABC's to disco music. Some classes have acquired the reputation among parents—exaggerated, it seems—of being feeder programs to preschools that are feeder programs to private schools.

Parents often feel lucky just to get into some of these playgroups. Earlier this year, Nanne Puritz Allecia, who lives on the Upper East Side, waited by the phone to enroll her son in a class for 6-month-olds at Little Maestros, a popular music program with nine locations around the city. One of the program's most impressive features is a live adult band at every class, complete with five vocalists, a drummer, guitarist, piano player and sometimes a saxophonist.

Ms. Allecia called on enrollment day precisely at 8 a.m. and was shocked to learn her son would be filling one of the last two spots. "This was sight unseen," she said. "I didn't know anything about the class, I just knew about the hype." Enrichment classes have become more competitive at a time when the number of young children in the city is increasing. According to census estimates, the number of children under 5 in Manhattan rose by more than 25 percent between 2000 and 2004, after years of decline.

"It's become a craze in the city to get into a mommy-and-me class," said Catherine Shepard, the mother of a 3-year-old and an 11-month-old. Her boys have taken gym and art classes and have recently learned about music with stuffed animals at the Diller-Quaile School of Music on East 95th Street, where the cost of a yearlong program ranges from $1,290 to $5,745.

"I've been to parties or lunches with people while they're pregnant and they're like, 'Oh my gosh, I have to sign up for this or that,' " Mrs. Shepard said. "When I grew up in Manhattan, you went to the park and on play dates and that was that."

The obsession with playgroups is relatively recent, child experts say.

"Basically, all of a sudden you can't stay at home with the baby," said Dr. Michel Cohen, the founder of TriBeCa Pediatrics. "That's the new trend." Dr. Cohen, who wrote "The New Basics: A-Z Baby & Child Care for the Modern Parent" (HarperCollins, 2004), said enrichment classes don't necessarily make a difference to a child's development. "The child is often oblivious to what's going on," he said. The biggest beneficiaries might be the stay-at-home parents, especially in the winter, when they can feel most isolated.

Parents say they like classes because they provide socializing for both themselves and their youngsters. Some say they sign up because they want to give their child every opportunity to flourish, and they fear that without the classes, their youngster might be at a disa