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May 3, 2009

Dear Friends,

The Miami Social Whirl.
It has been waaaaay too long since I’ve written. You know I live in Miami Beach now and I suppose you figured out that I got all caught up in the social whirl at Turnberry Ocean Colony, the super exclusive ultra-fancy condo building where I reside. Seriously, our building is SO fancy that residents fly their dogs in to visit on private jets. We’re so fancy here that people have to specify which color they mean when asking the valet for their Rolls Royce - “I feel like driving the blue one today.” We’re so fancy here that the Cher of Russia lives in our north tower. Yes, Russia has a Cher; doesn’t every country? We’re so fancy here that at the last condo association meeting residents were fighting over how much MORE they wanted to pay for services instead of less. We’re so fancy here that everyone addresses each other by their royal titles (except for Mark and I who, as I mentioned in an earlier newsletter, are the Beverly Hillbillies of Turnberry Ocean Colony).

The season has been an absolute madhouse, what with all the parties, charity balls, beach bashes and fashion shows in which I did not partake. It wasn’t that I wasn’t invited, although I wasn’t. No, I was on a strict diet all winter long. On the positive side, I dropped 25 pounds and look mah-velous! With the post-Passover exodus, most of my neighbors have left and the beach has become a lonely place. Even the nudists flew north for the summer.

I got to meet Conan O’Brien!
One great feature about living in Miami is that everyone comes to visit. Not long ago, my friend Anne who works for NBC flew in on business. She was schlepping Conan O’Brien across the country to visit all the affiliate stations before he debuts the Tonight Show in June. Anyway, Conan is my all-time-favorite-comedy-genius-hero. I wanted to meet him but didn’t want to act all celebrity struck. Naturally, I did anyway, falling to my knees and begging Anne to arrange a meeting and dawggonit to heck, she did! After dinner at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, Anne, Schuyler, and I met up with Cone. That’s what I call him now. He calls me Kar. Cone was everything I dreamed of in a comedy-genius-hero and more! Impossibly tall, with carrot-colored hair, the man was kind, generous, and hysterically funny. Seriously, everything that came out of his mouth made me laugh. I don’t think he can help himself. He is scary smart and doesn’t miss a trick. The best part was that he counseled Schuyler about the high school play in which she was about to appear, giving her some advice based on his own high school acting days. She told him she wanted to become an actress and he said that he fully expected to have her on his show someday talking about her latest film. Wasn’t that a generous of him to say? I tell you, that Cone, he’s the man.

How I dropped 25 Pounds and you can too!
Okay, back to the twenty-five pounds I lost. Do you want to know how I did it? If you’re one of those skinny bitches, just skip this part. If not, read on:
1. You gotta want it bad. I think this is key to accomplishing anything really. I was beginning to look like a ball and my desire to lose the weight finally surpassed my desire to eat.
2. I ate between 1,000 - 1,200 calories a day five days a week (I took weekends off and ate and drank whatever I wanted). A typical daily menu was a multi-vitamin, honey-nut cheerios and non-fat milk for breakfast, cottage cheese and pineapple chunks for lunch, honey-nut cheerios and non-fat milk for dinner, a 100-calorie pack of pop corn for a snack. Hey, I didn’t say this was a healthy diet. For a healthy diet, read Skinny Bitch.
3. Here’s the secret weapon: I drank about four Kellogg’s powdered protein lemonade drinks (30 calories) and powdered fiber lemonade drinks (20 calories) every day (about 100 calories in total). These drinks fills you up and you aren’t hungry. Warning: They cause gas. I just blamed it on the dog when anyone mentioned it.
4. I worked out A LOT!!! Mostly I did cardio on the treadmill and the stair-stepper machine. When I say A LOT, I averaged two hours a day. It helped to exercise in front of the TV. A good drama always kept me going. Because of knee problems, I couldn’t work out hard so I had to settle for long.

That’s my secret. I went from 135 to 110 between January 15 and now and I’m continuing to stick with the program. So if you want to lose weight, this is the formula that worked for me.

Meet me under the Penis at the Time Warner Center
I’m happy to report that Schuyler will be attending Stella Adler Acting Studio in the fall, so I’ll have yet another reason to visit New York. After 25 years, NYC got into my blood and I’m having serious withdrawal pains, finding any reason to get back as often as I can. My latest excuse is an ovarian cyst my Manhattan doctor is watching. Last time I visited, he discovered another one. Yipee!!! I thought. One more reason to come back to NY. Then I thought, I should probably go see my old psychiatrist for thinking that. Yeow!!! Yet another reason to return to NY. Every time I go there, I discover something new. Last visit, my friend told me to meet her under the pen-s at the Time Warner Center (I’d better not spell it out or your spam filters will grab this). I had no idea what she meant until I saw the anatomically correct Botero statues in the lobby. Next time you go to NYC, check it out. Tourists act perfectly ridiculous in the presence of that pen-s. Seriously, they make complete and utter fools of themselves, taking pictures of themselves measuring it, massaging it, kissing it. Can you die? What losers! That’s me in the picture pretending like the statue is peeing on my head.

Hedge Fund Wives
If you’re looking for a good summer read, my friend Tatiana Boncompagni’s new book, Hedge Fund Wives, is out May 5. I read an early draft of it and it’s gloriously gossipy! I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Here’s the synopsis:

In this amazingly timely story about what the wealthy do when Wall Street lays an egg, the author of Gilding Lily once again delivers a witty and insightful treatment of today’s woman, as she explores the sacrifices they make, the bargains they strike, the rules they follow, and what happens when it all starts to fall apart.

Who could have guessed that Wall Street would go south just as Marcy Emerson and her husband moved east? Down to earth Marcy relocated from Chicago to New York when her husband was offered a big time job as a hedge fund manager.

Still, it’s not until her husband leaves her for his thinner, blonder mistress—a woman who is higher up the social ladder than the original Mrs. Emerson will ever be—that Marcy decides to stand on her own two feet once again, and fight for the things that are far more important than money.

The Sister Diaries
If you happen to live in the UK, The Sister Diaries will be released in July. I’m not sure when it’s coming out in the US, but will let you know as soon as I do. It was a tough book for me to write because it centers around three main characters that had to be fully developed. My other books feature one measly character (SO much easier!). It was dramatic, emotional, mysterious and humorous all at the same time, which was challenging to pull off. I think I did it, though, and I hope you’ll agree. Here’s short description:

Although they couldn’t be more different, Amanda, Serena and Laura Moon have always been there for one another. Amanda sizzles in the high stakes arena of New York City real estate - but drags herself home each night to a cold, empty bed. From senior executive at Prada, Serena is now an over-the-top stay-at-home mom, plunging her marriage into crisis and her four-year-old into therapy. Laura spent the last six years caring for their dying mother. Now she is trying to breathe new life into her abandoned music career. Emotions explode when the sisters learn that their mother left everything - the multi-million dollar family home and a priceless painting - to selfish, undeserving Serena. But why? In an effort to make sense of the bequest, the girls journey to East Hampton to unravel the mystery behind their mother’s past, setting off a chain of events that threatens the very core of their sisterhood.

I borrowed the girls’ last name from good friend Nancy Moon. The book is full of juicy real estate stories, all based on true events revealed to me by some of Manhattan’s top agents. Laura is single and her experiences are inspired by stranger-than-fiction stories that my girlfriends told me. Serena is modeled after some very real Manhattan Momzillas I have known through the years. I couldn’t make her as crazy as the real ones, though, or you’d hate her. There is also an adorable little boy named Sebastian, a genius with a secret pacifier habit, who is one of my favorite characters ever. Anyway, be sure to pick up a copy if you’re in the UK. In fact, you can pre-order right now. Just click this sentence and you’ll be at the Amazon page where you can order it.

Oh, by the way, would you like to be my friend on Facebook? If so, search for Karen Nedler Quinn. That’s it for now my future Facebook friends. I’m off to enjoy the beautiful Miami sunshine.

Love,

Karen Nedler Quinn

January 23, 2009

Dear Friends,

I’m in More Magazine this month! If you live in the U.S., pick up a copy of the February issue of More Magazine with Emma Thompson on the cover (not Cynthia Nixon - that’s just an example). In it, there is a story about six women who reinvented themselves (including yours truly) and a full-page photo of moi standing on our balcony. Here’s the best part. During the shoot, we tried to get our adorable puppy, Olive, to pose. Instead, she daintily turned and relieved herself right in front of the camera. So for my full-page debut in a national magazine, there is a photo of me with Olive PEEING by my side!!! I tried to scan the photo and include it in this email but I’m technologically limited so instead I included an equally off-color photo of Olive’s boyfriend, Hugo, sniffing her butt. Meanwhile, if you pass a newsstand selling More, take a look at page 109. It’s a really great article for anyone who wants to make a life change. I was so inspired by my own story that I’m thinking about reinventing myself all over again.

Our belated 2008 holiday update (in headlines this year) As you may or may not have noticed given the world-wide financial meltdown, presidential inauguration, and jets landing willy nilly in the Hudson, I failed in my duty as your annual-holiday-letter-writing-friend to get the 2008 Quinn missive out to you this year. Please forgive me but I was completely sidetracked (brag-disguised-as-an-excuse alert) finishing up my latest novel, The Sister Diaries. Whoo hoo!!! Impressive, I know.

Quinn Holiday Letter
* Mark quit his job. Yep, he just up and walked out one day. It was all very take this job and shove it.
* Without his trusty salary, we left our costly NY life behind, and sold our apartment on the very last day before they rang the bell and declared a cease-sell on Manhattan real estate for the foreseeable future.
* We moved to Miami Beach, ditching our chic black Manhattan wardrobes for colorful shorts and tee shirts.
* The children wanted to kill us.
* Six months later, they still do.
* Don’t tell anyone, but Mark is starting a chain of tattoo and piercing parlors for infants.
* Schuyler’s bribe for moving to Miami was Olive, our adorable Pomeranian puppy, for which she promptly abdicated responsibility, so Olive became mine. Shockingly, I did not see this coming.
* Mark went to the Olympics in Beijing while I got the children situated in their new school. While he was gone, we had a hurricane.
* We sold all our stock in September before the market crashed.
* No, sadly, we didn’t.
* Schuyler is going back to NYC for college next year. She doesn’t care which college, as long as it’s in Manhattan.
* Sam prefers to remain sequestered in his room.
* Mark is studying for the Florida Bar Exam in case the toddler tattoo concept doesn’t work out.
* The weather here is magnificent. The beach is beautiful. What’s not to love? Just ask Sam.
* I had a new book come out last summer - Holly Would Dream. If you haven’t read it yet, go directly to your nearest bookstore and pick up a copy!! They’re still working on The Ivy Chronicles movie. Sarah Jessica Parker is to star. As a devoted Sex and the City fan, I couldn’t be more excited about that. My newest book is The Sister Diaries. It will be released in July in the U.K. and after that, in the U.S. (I have to sell it here first).
* Most of the men who live in our building are retired. Mark likes to pretend that he is, too. They play a lot of golf together.
* Schuyler has the lead in her school play - A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Schuyler doing Shakespeare? This I have to see! And you can too if you’re in Miami March 6-7.
* Sam remains sequestered in his room. If anyone has any ideas to entice him out, we’re all ears.

This pretty much sums up our year. Lots of challenges, changes and Cheesecake Factory (our kids’ favorite restaurant in Miami). For a chain restaurant, it’s a chain restaurant.

The view from my window.
We’ve now lived in Miami for six months. Our building is right next to a development by Donald Trump, which is right next to a nude beach. Everyday as I write, I gaze out the window at the ocean, watching the nudists frolicking about in the water or on shore. But they pale in comparison to the vultures that have taken over the Trump buildings. I’m not talking real estate brokers sniffing for cheap deals. No, for some reason, every afternoon, hundreds upon hundreds of vultures fly around the Trump development, with gaggles of them perching on the balconies like crows on telephone wires. It’s as if the Alfred Hitchcock movie, The Birds, has come to roost right next door.

For safety sake, we won’t let Olive on our balcony when the vultures are circling, lest she become an appetizer for a hungry scavenger. Needless to say, the Trump development remains practically empty. Just a slice of life in Miami Beach I thought you’d appreciate.

How about that darn economy, eh?! Ooooh, let’s not go there.

Soon there will be a new me! Did I mention that I’m on a big diet? It’s my 2009 New Year’s resolution. With the stress of moving, writing a new book, watching my husband blow, er, invest our entire savings on a chain of toddler tattoo parlors, I put on a few extra pounds, so now I’m really cutting down on the eating and working out like a banshee. You won’t recognize me next time we meet. I’ll probably be wearing a bikini just because I can.

Cool things my friends are doing

Stan Zimmerman and Jim Berg are producing and writing Rita Rocks, a show on the Lifetime Channel, Mondays at 8:30 (but check your local listings to be sure).

In “Rita Rocks,” Nicole Sullivan stars as Rita Clemens, an overworked wife and mother in the middle of a full-blown identity crisis — which includes trying to maintain romance with her husband Jay, juggling the demands of her nine-year-old daughter, Shannon, and disciplining her defiant teenage daughter Hallie and her ever-present boyfriend Kip. In search of “youthful” Rita, she dusts off her old guitar and forms a garage band with her nosy postal carrier Patty and unemployed neighbor Owen, in the hopes of putting that spark back in her life.

Schuyler actually tried out for the part of Hallie, but didn’t get it. Personally, I think she should have gotten it because she looks more like the actress playing Rita than the girl they cast does, but I don’t hold a grudge! The show is really funny, smart and entertaining. You should definitely watch it.

Joanne Tombrakos is blogging about her journey in post corporate life. It’s called One Woman’s Eye and can be found at http://onewomanseye.blogspot.com/. The writing is intelligent and thought provoking. One of her latest entries is about why (oh why!) did NBC cancel Lipstick Jungle, one of my favorite shows. Hello????!!!!! HUGE mistake! Anyone who blogs about a topic that important to the women of America is worth a read.

BL Ochman and Caimin Jones have started a web site that allows you to put your pet on a tee-shirt or card and add funny little captions to it. It’s not expensive and would make a great Valentine’s day gift. Check out http://www.pawfun.com/.

Anne Nicholas is private jetting around the country with Conan O’Brien and his production team promoting him as new host of the Tonight Show (beginning in June). Personally, I can’t wait until Conan takes over. He’s so brilliant and funny and right now I can’t stay up late enough to watch him. I’m really proud of Anne for landing such a cool assignment.

If you are my friend and you’re doing something cool, let me know and I might feature you in Cool things my friends are doing. Even if you aren’t my friend or if you’re doing something remarkably lame, I might feature you anyway if it’s a slow news week.

Oh, by the way, I have a facebook page now. So if you do too, look me up and ask me to be your friend. Most likely, I’ll say yes. Just kidding! Actually, it’s more than likely that I’ll say yes. Wishing you a very happy, successful, and much more lucrative year in 2009. I promise to be in touch soon.

Love,

Karen

P.S. Here is the flap copy for The Sister Diaries in case you’re dying to know what it’s about:

Love her or loathe her, you need a sister by your side.

Although they couldn’t be more different, Amanda, Serena and Laura Moon have always been there for one another.

Amanda sizzles in the high stakes arena of New York City real estate – but drags herself home each night to a cold, empty bed. From top executive at Versace, Serena is now an over-the-top, stay-at-home Mum, plunging her marriage into crisis and her four-year-old into therapy. Laura spent the last six years caring for their dying mother. Now she is trying to breathe new life into her abandoned music career.

Emotions explode when the sisters learn that their mother left everything - the multi-million dollar family home and a priceless Daniel Lassiter painting - to Serena. But why? In an effort to make sense of the bequest, the girls journey to glamorous East Hampton to unravel the mystery behind their mother’s past, setting off a chain of events that threatens the very core of their sisterhood.

Note from Karen: Oooo! Doesn’t that sound exciting? Don’t you want to read it? I know I do. Oh, I already have and it’s really a page-turner!

Dear friends,

Happy fall everyone. Hard to believe September is already here. We’ve been living in Miami for over a month and finally starting to settle in.

Our super duper fancy building. I have to tell you, we have moved into the most luxurious building I can ever imagine. We did it by accident, but I’m not complaining. Seriously, I feel like I’m living on the Crystal Symphony (my favorite luxury cruise ship). You look outside and all you see is ocean (just like on the ship), when you’re sitting on the beach, young stud-ly men bring you iced towels to cool down, there’s even a chauffeured limo for use by residents whenever they want. Any time they call meetings of building residents, they call it for 4:00 p.m. because nobody who lives here works, except for us. Recently they held a complaint meeting at 4:00 where you were only allowed to complain - you couldn’t say anything nice - so I went just to see what people could possibly complain about living in such palatial quarters. It was awful. All the staff who were being complained about were there. I raised my hand and said, “this is the nicest place I’ve ever lived; everything’s perfect!” The head of the board told me to sit down and keep my mouth shut if I didn’t have anything mean to say. I don’t get it. That must be some kind of bizarre native Miami fancy-building custom. Anyway, my family prides itself on being the Beverly Hillbillies of Turnberry Ocean Colony.
I moved my children next to a nude beach!
So imagine my surprise when I took a walk on the beach recently and realized that starting two buildings down from us, there is a nude beach. I had to walk by it several times just to check it out and make sure it really was all nude, all the time - and it was! Turns out, this is the gay and old people nude beach. The beach for young heterosexuals is in South Beach. When I told Sam we were living near a nude beach, he lit up like a Christmas tree. It was the happiest I’d seen him since we moved here. Then I told him who frequented the beach and his face dropped. “Sorry Sam,” I had to tell him, “no perky young breasts , only long saggy grandmother ones.” Don’t tell anyone but that’s where I spend all my time when he’s at school. Kidding!

Gilding Lily. Meanwhile, I have two exciting plugs for friends to tell you about. First of all, my dear friend, Tatiana Boncompagni, has just published her first book - Gilding Lily. Tatiana is a young mother, married to a guy named Hoover, as in Hoover vacuum cleaners, and is a socialite herself (albeit a very nice, down to earth one). She writes for the Style Section of the Times, Vogue, and other la di da publications. The book is about a young mother married to an heir to a major fortune who writes for the Style section of a paper like the Times (Tatiana has no imagination, I tell you). When she starts writing about socialites in her own circle, she gets into big trouble. So, the book is life inspired (except for the part where the protagonist gets into big trouble. That hasn’t happened to Tatiana - not yet). I actually wrote a blurb for the book that was supposed to go on the front cover, but then she got a blurb from Plum Sykes, so she relegated me to the back. Don’t worry, I still love you, Tatiana. Anyway, if you’d like to buy a copy and support Tatiana who is schlepping around the company promoting the book right now, just click here to go to Amazon.com and here to go to Barnesandnoble.com to order your copy.

SouthnFrance Bon Bons. Here’s my second plug [hey, if you had something for me to plug, I'd plug that too. I'm an equal opportunity plugger]: You’ve heard me talk about my friend Charlene who started a small bon bon factory in Wilmington, NC called SouthnFrance. That’s Charlene there next to two 50 pound coconut bon bons. Anyway, if you haven’t heard me talk about her, I always tell people to buy their bon bons for Christmas gifts because they are so reasonably priced and delicious - especially the coconut ones. They’re my personal favorites. Anyway, they are entered in a small business contest in the “yummiest” category. If they win, they will find themselves at the center of a media storm that includes recognition on national and local TV, radio, in newspapers and magazines, and on some of the largest, most influential websites on the web, MSN and StartupNation.com among them. That would be HUGE for Charlene who has worked her tushy off to build this business and deserves the recognition. I don’t say that lightly. Owning a small business is the toughest thing a person can do. You can vote for her (once a day!) now through October 30th. Just go to this link and vote. It’s super easy. I’m voting every day. And I’m telling you, her bon bons are to die for!!! To vote, go to:

http://www.startupnation.com/homebased100/contestant/1582/index.php

Well, that’s it for now. I’d best go get dressed because my adorable husband is taking me out to dinner tonight. We don’t know anyone else in Miami (except for two other people) so we’re kind of stuck with each other most of the time. Good thing we enjoy each other’s company.

Hugs,

Karen

August 16, 2008

Hello darlings,

I have the most fun video of my July Barnes and Noble reading for you to watch. It was filmed and edited by Smita Paul, the brilliant videographer (in her spare time). Don’t worry, it’s not a boring film of me droning on about my brilliant work (even though we can all agree it is brilliant). We had the BEST time at the reading and I think you can really experience the joy from this short film. I was surrounded by my wonderful friends and even a few fans I didn’t know (all dressed up like Audrey Hepburn). It was truly an evening to remember. Click the URL below and it’ll take you to youtube. The best way to watch is to let it load first and then replay it so doesn’t play all skippy-like.

Watch Karen’s video by clicking here!

Big news on the moving front
Have you wondered why you haven’t heard from me until now? I’m sure you’re too busy having a fabulous summer to even think about your wayward author friend who is probably cruising some exotic locale in the name of research for her next book. But shockingly, that’s not what I’m doing. If you really want to know, I am right in the midst of moving to Miami Beach, God’s waiting room…I mean God’s Country (or something like that).

Why did we move, you ask?
Oh, it’s a long story. But you have time, right? Mark, my adorable husband of 27 years decided he wanted a break from his job and I supported him wholeheartedly (excellent wife that I am). He’d been working non-stop since law school and for the last few years hadn’t been making it home until after ten every night. He’d come home, finish his workout at eleven thirty and have dinner at midnight (naturally, I cooked using only the freshest ingredients). With Mark and his hefty income on hiatus, downsizing was in order and that meant leaving New York City. But where to go? We considered the usual suspects - New Jersey, Scarsdale, Brooklyn, the Bronx, etc. No place really excited us.

Then we had an idea!
We thought, as long as we’re moving, let’s go somewhere super fun with good food and a Latin flavor that is experiencing a housing depression so we can pick up a new apartment on the cheap. Miami came to mind. Actually, that was Mark’s thinking. My thinking was, let’s go live on the beach somewhere so I’ll wake up everyday, look at the ocean and feel like I’m on vacation. Miami also came to mind. So voilla! that is where we are right now, surrounded by boxes, starting our next adventure. I love adventures, don’t you?

The view out my window
Do you see that view of the pier in the picture way above? That’s right out my office window! Whoo Hoo!!! Here are a few more images of the new homestead.

That’s our building on the left. The picture on the right shows the view off our balcony. There is an eight foot sting-ray that hangs out on our beach (in the water, of course) that I can clearly see from thirty-three floors up. From up here, it looks like an underwater bat and it appears to swim dangerously close to people in the water but then at the last second, it always veers away and doesn’t sting or kill anyone (at least not so far). I can also see schools of fish and sharks from up here - the water is that clear! This abundance of sea creatures has convinced me that I shouldn’t go any farther than knee high into the ocean.

On the left is one of two pools our building has. On the right, you can see my favorite thing about the whole apartment. In case you can’t tell, that is a jacuzzi tub with a built in TV set that actually gets cable! I kid you not. I can get video on demand while soaking in the tub. These people in Miami really know how to live. Anyway, if you’re coming down this way, let me know and I might invite you over to take a bath or swim in my shark and sting ray infested ocean if you dare.

Well, I simply must go grab a glass of wine and sit on my balcony listening to the surf and watching the stars. I hear there is a lunar eclipse tonight. Have a wonderful rest of summer.

Love,

Karen

100+ Audrey Hepburn look-alikes descended on the Greenwich Village Barnes & Noble last July when I read from Holly Would Dream. I wish you had been there! It was so much fun.