Archives

Recent Posts

June 7, 2007

Hello there!

Did you miss me? Please don’t think that I loved you and left you after the Wife in the Fast Lane Contest. No, I just went underground for a while to finish my new book. We’re leaning towards calling it Holly Would Dream. It was so much fun working on a new project. Here’s what the cover in the UK would look like. Isn’t it great?!

Oh Happy Day! A Man Tried to Pick Me Up!

I have so much to tell you, I don’t even know where to begin. So I think I’ll start with something very exciting that happened to me yesterday. I was walking home from the grocery store and a very cute man with a mole on his face sidled up to me and said, “nice eggs.” I thought he was talking about the eggs in my Food Emporium bag, so I said, “really, you like brown eggs?” Cute Man with Mole said, “oh no, nice legs!” So I looked around for the woman he might be talking about, the one with the nice legs and said, “where?” He said, “You! You have nice legs.”*

Well, you could have scraped me off the sidewalk. I’ve been married now for a very long time so I naturally emit the “not available” vibe, the one that prevents strangers from flirting with me right on the street when I’m schlepping Food Emporium bags. Unfortunately I was too shocked to remember to say, “thank you, it’s true,” which is what we’re taught to say in Mama Gena’s School of the Womanly Arts (where I’ve been studying for the last year). But I did say, “thank you, you’ve made my night.”

He Likes Me, He Really Likes Me!

So then Cute Man with Mole said, “are you going home so soon?” I told him I had to get back to wait for the groceries. Yes, I do lead an exciting life. He said, “that’s too bad because I’d really like to hang out with you.” Oh happy day, thank you, thank you, thank you, I’m thinking inside! Cute Man with Mole wants to hang out with me.

But what I said was, “that would be fun, but I need to prepare dinner for my kids (i.e. order from Bon Bon Chicken). He was visibly disappointed and asked if I had to cook for my husband, too (sly of him, eh?). I told him, alas, I did have to cook (NOT - Mark hasn’t eaten one of my meals since the candied beef incident of 1981), but I thanked him for making my night by asking.

Anyhow, I’m totally psyched that Cute Man with Mole actually thought I had nice eggs, I mean, hot legs, and tried to pick me up on the streets of Manhattan! I guess it was a good thing I wasn’t carrying chicken breasts in my Food Emporium bag. For those of you who are single and dating (or married and dating), this would be no big deal, but for me it is beyond BEYOND because it hasn’t happened in a long time!

*Note: It was not Enrique Iglesias who tried to pick me up, but I used his photo as a reminder to all of us that just because a guy has a mole, that doesn’t mean he isn’t cute. People with moles often get a bad rap.

Schuyler’s Sweet 16

Last month I reported on the upcoming Sweet 16 Party we were planning to throw for Schuyler. Well, the party happened and I’m happy to report that, despite all my misgivings, it turned out to be a great event.

We held it at City Hall Restaurant, an excellent venue. There was security (ear-pieces and all), 160 teenagers, a DJ and an MC, mocktails, and even a light show. All the kids had fun and so did the adults (who stayed upstairs and drank).

Schuyler’s Ode to Her Devoted Parents

The highpoint for me was the very special candle-lighting ceremony. Schuyler lit 16 candles, one for every important person in her life. Then she read a poem about each of us. Here’s what she said about her beloved parents:

“August 20th 1991, was the day that started out all of the fun. Daddy and Don had been out all night, and once they got to the hospital, Dad was already out of sight. While Mommy sat in labor for 14 hours, Daddy was in the lobby looking at flowers. I was finally born, after all that time, and I didn’t realize how hard this would be to rhyme. You guys have always been there for me no matter terrible I’ve been, even that time sledding when I sliced open my chin. You’ve put up with so much after all these years, from screaming and disappearing, to my laughter and tears. I love you so much, you’re second to none, will Mom and Dad come light candle number one.”

Awwww! I know. Then she presented a retrospective of her life (in slides) to the tune of “Thank Heaven for Little Girls.” I was in tears.

Wonder of Wonders

The highlight of the evening came during the speeches. Mark and many of Schuyler’s friends spoke. I couldn’t because I was just too choked up. Then, out of nowhere, Sam, our 14-year-old, the one who never comes out of his room, the one I only see as a blur dashing from his bedroom to the bathroom to the front door, the one who growls when I say “how was your day,” took the stage. He delivered the most eloquent speech about what it has like to grow up with his sister, how much he loves her, and then he outed her for having the party three months early (but still). The important thing is HE SPEAKS! THE BOY TALKS! IT’S A MIRACLE! You have no idea how relieved Mark and I were to have witnessed this moment. It was worth the price of the party just to watch him in front of the crowd.

Anyhow, we missed you and wished you were there.

Book Recommendations

Have you finished Wife In The Fast Lane yet? Did you not love it!!! If so, feel free to get in touch with me and gush your heart out. If not, you must order up a copy right away. People love it and you wouldn’t believe how much they gush.

Life’s a Beach

If you’re looking for something new to read, Claire Cook, who wrote Must Love Dogs, has just written Life’s a Beach. The story centers around Ginger Walsh, a relationship challenged 41-year-old who is back home living in the family FROG (furnished room over garage) in the fictional town of Marshbury. You’ll enjoy watching her navigate the relationship waters with her sexy glassblowing boyfriend, accompanying her niece who has a role in a movie being made in town, and worrying about her future as a couple of Red Hat Realtors try to sell her parents’ house. It’s the perfect read for sitting on the beach on a hot summer day.

The Audrey Hepburn Treasures

Another book I absolutely adore is The Audrey Hepburn Treasures. This is a sugar-coated biography (but that’s okay) which is accompanied by reproductions of personal momentos such as invitations, letters, playbills and the like which can be taken out of sleeves, touched, examined, and enjoyed. What is unique about it is that it is just like reading Audrey’s personal scrapbook. My new book centers around a character who has a special connection to Audrey Hepburn, so I’ve been reading all her biographies and watching her movies of late. This one is especially fun to read and play with. Another bio that I enjoyed because it is more realistic, showing the good with the less good (there’s nothing bad about Audrey), is Audrey Style, by Pamela Keogh. So, if you’re an Audrey Hepburn nut as I am (but not in the stalking way), you’ll enjoy these reads.

Fat, Broke, and Lonely No More

This is Victoria Moran’s latest and she writes wonderful books. Real-life anecdotes, practical strategies, and a light touch make this a must-read. First, Moran helps you discover the root of being fat, broke, and lonely. Then she teaches you how to break up with fat, broke & lonely for good (I’m currently in the process of breaking up with fat - it’s tough but I’m hanging firm). And finally, she teaches you how to hook up with the life of your dreams—and who doesn’t want that? I do, I do!

I fear I’ve outworn my welcome. Enjoy your summer and stay in touch.

Love,

Karen

I was riding on the subway today and I saw not one, but two, TWO brides and grooms. They weren’t all together. No, I saw the first bride and groom get on at City Hall. They were still riding when I got off at 14th (and they weren’t even speaking to each other). The second bride and groom got on at 8th Street (as I was on my way home) and they were still riding when I got off at City Hall. My guess is that they were on their way to Brooklyn for sex.

We are not talking brides in white satin suits (i.e. second or third marriages). No, these were brides in bridal gowns with satin shoes and carrying flowers. The grooms both had flowers on their jackets.

I would like to say here and now that if I got married and my husband suggested we made our way home via the subway on a 90-degree day, I believe I would go right back to City Hall and get the forms for an annulment. Maybe the groom couldn’t afford a limo or a horse and carriage, but HELLO, there’s always a yellow cab or pedicab. Call me spoiled. Call me a diva. Call me a hotel heiress. I don’t care. One does not make their way home from their wedding on the subway.

Think about it. This is their wedding day. It will all be downhill from there. Taking the subway home from your wedding is setting the bar awfully low. I’m sorry, but that is not acceptable.

Do you agree with me or am I just being a spoiled princess?

Dear Friends,

I’ve missed you!

Have you missed moi? I have to admit I’ve been underground as of late. I’m working on a new novel that is lots of fun and providing me with many laugh-out-loud moments. I just love when that happens. If I can crack myself up, then hopefully I can crack my readers up.

Schuyler’s Sweet 16 Party

Big news! Schuyler is having her sweet 16 party in May. She wanted it so badly, almost as much as I wanted her not to have one. I offered her the cash instead, which she refused, something about her not having had a bat mitzvah and needing this moment to mark her passage into blah, blah blah. I tried to explain that it was HER choice to drop out of Hebrew School, not mine, but that got me no where. Suffice it to say, we’re having the party.

Just a Simple Do
Anyway, I was adamant that this not be anything like the Super Sweet 16 Parties of MTV fame. She would not get a car. We would not take our private jet (even if we had one) to Beverly Hills to shop for her dress. She would not make costume changes during the event. She would not be dropped into the fete by helicopter. No diamond tiaras from Harry Winston. No appearances by Run DMC or whoever the kids listen to these days. No siree Bob, I was having none of that spoiled-rotten-obnoxious-teenagers-who-don’t-understand-the-value-of-dollar bullshit. This was going to be a simple, old-fashioned sweet 16 like the ones they used to have in the days of yore.

Hormone Hell
Our first order of business was to negotiate the number of kids in attendance. Mark and I suggested thirty, including the two of us, Schuyler’s brother, Sam, and his best friend. Schuyler wanted three hundred. So we compromised on 130. Can you imagine? One hundred and thirty sexteen, I mean, sixteen-year-olds in one room? Can somebody spell s-e-c-u-r-i-t-y?

Next we had to find a place to hold the party. Our apartment was out of the question, mainly because I did not want to destroy the place. I thought perhaps we could rent a loft for, oh say, five hundred bucks. HA! Not gonna happen! Loft rentals start at $3,000 and that’s for a five floor walk up in Chinatown. So, we decided on a restaurant around the corner from our house that has an underground room lined in bedrock AND located under the street. No matter how noisy they get, neighbors won’t complain. Nor can the kids ruin the place (unless they’re packing jackhammers, but security has been instructed not to allow those in).

Gifts Please
Meanwhile, we needed to send out invitations. Do you know how expensive it is to print up invitations at a real stationery store? It’s frickin’ outrageous. So we went to Staples and bought do-it-yourself invites. Here is where the big fight ensued. I suggested that we say, “no gifts please.” Schuyler, on the other hand, wanted to say, “Gifts, by all means, YES please! In fact, I am registered at the following stores: Bloomingdale’s, Virgin Records, Urban Outfitters” (you get the idea). Mark was appalled by the very idea, and I’m embarrassed to admit I might have let it slide. Luckily Mark’s wonderful assistant, Joey, printed the invites and somehow, the controversial line was dropped. Oopsi-daisy.

Did I mention the extras?
The party itself is just the beginning, of course. We had to shop for the perfect dress, shoes, tiara and purse, and do you know that fancy clothes for 16-year-olds cost as much as fancy clothes for adults? It’s true. And then there is the DJ, the MC, the security, the food, the cake, the candles for the special candle lighting ceremony, the AV to create a multi-media slide show of Schuyler’s life, the mocktails, the party bags (where, instead of giving each child an ipod like one of her friends did at her sweet-16, we’re giving each child a $.99 gift card for itunes). Can someone spell h-u-m-i-l-i-a-t-i-o-n?

Only The Best Strobe Light For Our Princess
One of Schuyler’s friends came by recently and under this kid’s spell, Schuyler proceeded to hit me up for a light show (but using a special, extremely hard to get strobe light machine in deference to her epileptic friends). This would only cost another, oh, say three, five thousand. They also begged for the addition of the dark chocolate fountain, the living statue of liberty, the naked cowboy, Chihuly glass centerpieces, and a transvestite Cher impersonator. Since when do sixteen-year-olds know about Cher? Or transvestites for that matter? I haven’t even told my kids the facts of life yet, for God’s sake. You don’t think they know do you? Anyway, I told Schuyler absolutely NOT on any of it as this was a simple sweet sixteen circa days of yore, not a modern day vomitzvah. Schuyler’s friend asked me, “Don’t you love your daughter?” She couldn’t believe Schuyler had been saddled with such a cheap mother. The Horror!

So the negotiations continue. I’ll let you know how the party turns out in a few weeks. If anyone has experience working security, please let me know as we’re looking for a few good (really big scary looking) men.

Summer Reading Recommendations

Many of you have emailed me asking for reading suggestions now that you’ve devoured Wife in the Fast Lane (don’t worry, I’m working on another one). I wanted to recommend a few of my favorites that are just out or about to come out:

Deadly Appraisal, by Jane Cleland
This is the second in a mystery series written by my good friend, Jane Cleland. It’s really a wonderful, fast read. Here’s the synopsis: Antiques dealer Josie Prescott thought she left trouble behind in New York City, where she weathered a price-fixing scandal in 2006’s Consigned to Death, but her efforts to start afresh in New Hampshire stall when she gets mixed up in murder in Cleland’s adept second cozy. After the Portsmouth Women’s Guild representative, Maisy Gaylor, drops dead from potassium cyanide poisoning at a benefit gala that Josie has sponsored, Detective Rowcliff insinuates that Josie might have been the possible target. Cleland keeps the reader guessing about the true target of the poison and the possible suspects. Did Britt Epps, the chairman of the fete, have it in for Maisy, or does the theft of a $20,000 Chinese porcelain tureen mean Josie should still be worried about her nemesis from her former New York auction house? With the help of her lawyer and the intermittent cooperation of a nosy reporter, Josie finds some surprising answers.

Late Night Talking, by Leslie Schnur

Late Night Talking is a book I blurbed because I loved it so much. This is really a fun book, plus it takes place right in my neighborhood. It’s a great romantic, thoughtful beach read. Here’s what it’s about: Jeannie Sterling is a late-night radio talk-show host passionate about getting people to do the right thing. From bad drivers to poor gym etiquette to disruptive cell-phone use, Jeannie is out to change the world, one bad behavior at a time. She is judgmental and opinionated, and few people can live up to her high standards. Her boyfriend, Tommy, seems perfect, but his inability to see that stealing library books is wrong and his general disrespect for others keep Jeannie from really falling in love. After she calls Nicholas Moss, a wealthy man using a cell phone while driving a gas-guzzling Hummer, a turkey while she is on the air, he ups and buys the radio station, setting Jeannie up for problems not only at work but personally, too. New professional opportunities arise, but Jeannie jeopardizes her job and her budding relationship with Moss when she pushes the envelope too far. Schnur has written a cute, lighthearted novel about expectations, love, and the cost of doing the right thing.

My Space Milestone
If you’ve read this far, you get the prize! Not that there is one. By the way, if you have a myspace, and you’re not my friend, please invite me to be your friend. I’m at http://www.myspace.com/authorkarenquinn
I just hit 1,000 friends and I feel so popular! Why couldn’t they have had myspace when I was in high school? It would have saved me so much angst.

Did I mention that I spent last weekend at Mama Gena’s School of the Womanly Arts? Well I did. It’s the second time I’m taking the course. It’s an incredibly empowering program that teaches you to recognize and tap into the power you have just because you’re a woman. I don’t have the words to do justice to the specifics of the program, but it has been transformative for me. It is like nothing I have ever experienced before (and I’ve done lots of training through the years). After taking it the first time, I realized I had much further to go, so I signed up again. If you’re interested in learning more, she has books available at Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com. Just type in Mama Gena and her books will come up.

I have two months before my third book is due and I must get cracking. So far I have a terribly rough first draft, and now I’m going back to flesh out the characters, improve my descriptions, add more humor - all the polishing that one does. My first task is to really get the main character’s voice right, and I don’t think I’ve done that yet. For the next two months I’m going deep underground - no extra-curricular stuff - until I get this book to a good place. By the way, I just read a book I enjoyed - The Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz. It was very funny.

Later today, Mark and I are going over to negotiate with the restaurant where we’ll be holding Schuyler’s Sweet 16. It’s not going to be excessive like the TV show. We’re trying to do this as cheaply as possible (not easy in NYC). Last week, Schuyler and I shopped for her party dress. We found a beautiful yellow satin number that she looked wonderful wearing. Since when do kids have Sweet 16’s? In my day they didn’t. But Schuyler didn’t get a Bat Mitzvah (because she dropped out of Hebrew School) so she says her life won’t be complete if she doesn’t have this party. Mark and I fell for her logic. That’s because we are guilt ridden parents by birth. Since the day she was born, we never felt we have done enough. That can get a parent in trouble, I know.

Book tour is officially over, whew!!! The two Ohio women who came to my reading last week were absolutely delightful - Beth and Suzen. I felt so honored that they would come from so far just to meet me. That must be how movie stars feel. We had a lovely dinner together after the reading.

I spent today with the two new screenwriters for The Ivy Chronicles, Stan and Jim - two very great guys. I love what they have in mind for the script and I feel very certain the movie will get made. My agent says you can’t count your movies until they start filming, but I’m optimistic. Besides, my psychic says it’s getting made and she has been right on all her big predictions so far.

Wife in the Fast Lane made the local Bestseller’s List in Denver! Yipee!!

Tomorrow, it’s back to work on book 3, Schuyler gets her stitches out, and I have a radio interview. It’s all in a day’s work.