June 7, 2007

Hello there!

Did you miss me? Please don’t think that I loved you and left you after the Wife in the Fast Lane Contest. No, I just went underground for a while to finish my new book. We’re leaning towards calling it Holly Would Dream. It was so much fun working on a new project. Here’s what the cover in the UK would look like. Isn’t it great?!

Oh Happy Day! A Man Tried to Pick Me Up!

I have so much to tell you, I don’t even know where to begin. So I think I’ll start with something very exciting that happened to me yesterday. I was walking home from the grocery store and a very cute man with a mole on his face sidled up to me and said, “nice eggs.” I thought he was talking about the eggs in my Food Emporium bag, so I said, “really, you like brown eggs?” Cute Man with Mole said, “oh no, nice legs!” So I looked around for the woman he might be talking about, the one with the nice legs and said, “where?” He said, “You! You have nice legs.”*

Well, you could have scraped me off the sidewalk. I’ve been married now for a very long time so I naturally emit the “not available” vibe, the one that prevents strangers from flirting with me right on the street when I’m schlepping Food Emporium bags. Unfortunately I was too shocked to remember to say, “thank you, it’s true,” which is what we’re taught to say in Mama Gena’s School of the Womanly Arts (where I’ve been studying for the last year). But I did say, “thank you, you’ve made my night.”

He Likes Me, He Really Likes Me!

So then Cute Man with Mole said, “are you going home so soon?” I told him I had to get back to wait for the groceries. Yes, I do lead an exciting life. He said, “that’s too bad because I’d really like to hang out with you.” Oh happy day, thank you, thank you, thank you, I’m thinking inside! Cute Man with Mole wants to hang out with me.

But what I said was, “that would be fun, but I need to prepare dinner for my kids (i.e. order from Bon Bon Chicken). He was visibly disappointed and asked if I had to cook for my husband, too (sly of him, eh?). I told him, alas, I did have to cook (NOT - Mark hasn’t eaten one of my meals since the candied beef incident of 1981), but I thanked him for making my night by asking.

Anyhow, I’m totally psyched that Cute Man with Mole actually thought I had nice eggs, I mean, hot legs, and tried to pick me up on the streets of Manhattan! I guess it was a good thing I wasn’t carrying chicken breasts in my Food Emporium bag. For those of you who are single and dating (or married and dating), this would be no big deal, but for me it is beyond BEYOND because it hasn’t happened in a long time!

*Note: It was not Enrique Iglesias who tried to pick me up, but I used his photo as a reminder to all of us that just because a guy has a mole, that doesn’t mean he isn’t cute. People with moles often get a bad rap.

Schuyler’s Sweet 16

Last month I reported on the upcoming Sweet 16 Party we were planning to throw for Schuyler. Well, the party happened and I’m happy to report that, despite all my misgivings, it turned out to be a great event.

We held it at City Hall Restaurant, an excellent venue. There was security (ear-pieces and all), 160 teenagers, a DJ and an MC, mocktails, and even a light show. All the kids had fun and so did the adults (who stayed upstairs and drank).

Schuyler’s Ode to Her Devoted Parents

The highpoint for me was the very special candle-lighting ceremony. Schuyler lit 16 candles, one for every important person in her life. Then she read a poem about each of us. Here’s what she said about her beloved parents:

“August 20th 1991, was the day that started out all of the fun. Daddy and Don had been out all night, and once they got to the hospital, Dad was already out of sight. While Mommy sat in labor for 14 hours, Daddy was in the lobby looking at flowers. I was finally born, after all that time, and I didn’t realize how hard this would be to rhyme. You guys have always been there for me no matter terrible I’ve been, even that time sledding when I sliced open my chin. You’ve put up with so much after all these years, from screaming and disappearing, to my laughter and tears. I love you so much, you’re second to none, will Mom and Dad come light candle number one.”

Awwww! I know. Then she presented a retrospective of her life (in slides) to the tune of “Thank Heaven for Little Girls.” I was in tears.

Wonder of Wonders

The highlight of the evening came during the speeches. Mark and many of Schuyler’s friends spoke. I couldn’t because I was just too choked up. Then, out of nowhere, Sam, our 14-year-old, the one who never comes out of his room, the one I only see as a blur dashing from his bedroom to the bathroom to the front door, the one who growls when I say “how was your day,” took the stage. He delivered the most eloquent speech about what it has like to grow up with his sister, how much he loves her, and then he outed her for having the party three months early (but still). The important thing is HE SPEAKS! THE BOY TALKS! IT’S A MIRACLE! You have no idea how relieved Mark and I were to have witnessed this moment. It was worth the price of the party just to watch him in front of the crowd.

Anyhow, we missed you and wished you were there.

Book Recommendations

Have you finished Wife In The Fast Lane yet? Did you not love it!!! If so, feel free to get in touch with me and gush your heart out. If not, you must order up a copy right away. People love it and you wouldn’t believe how much they gush.

Life’s a Beach

If you’re looking for something new to read, Claire Cook, who wrote Must Love Dogs, has just written Life’s a Beach. The story centers around Ginger Walsh, a relationship challenged 41-year-old who is back home living in the family FROG (furnished room over garage) in the fictional town of Marshbury. You’ll enjoy watching her navigate the relationship waters with her sexy glassblowing boyfriend, accompanying her niece who has a role in a movie being made in town, and worrying about her future as a couple of Red Hat Realtors try to sell her parents’ house. It’s the perfect read for sitting on the beach on a hot summer day.

The Audrey Hepburn Treasures

Another book I absolutely adore is The Audrey Hepburn Treasures. This is a sugar-coated biography (but that’s okay) which is accompanied by reproductions of personal momentos such as invitations, letters, playbills and the like which can be taken out of sleeves, touched, examined, and enjoyed. What is unique about it is that it is just like reading Audrey’s personal scrapbook. My new book centers around a character who has a special connection to Audrey Hepburn, so I’ve been reading all her biographies and watching her movies of late. This one is especially fun to read and play with. Another bio that I enjoyed because it is more realistic, showing the good with the less good (there’s nothing bad about Audrey), is Audrey Style, by Pamela Keogh. So, if you’re an Audrey Hepburn nut as I am (but not in the stalking way), you’ll enjoy these reads.

Fat, Broke, and Lonely No More

This is Victoria Moran’s latest and she writes wonderful books. Real-life anecdotes, practical strategies, and a light touch make this a must-read. First, Moran helps you discover the root of being fat, broke, and lonely. Then she teaches you how to break up with fat, broke & lonely for good (I’m currently in the process of breaking up with fat - it’s tough but I’m hanging firm). And finally, she teaches you how to hook up with the life of your dreams—and who doesn’t want that? I do, I do!

I fear I’ve outworn my welcome. Enjoy your summer and stay in touch.

Love,

Karen